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~birdie94

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About Me Member One who left DA and came back! birdie9418/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 4 Years
Needs Premium Membership Statistics 302 Deviations
3,027 Comments
10,973 Pageviews

not quite cheshire.

I like kitties. :D

Newest

R+CF:ACiT Review -No Spoilers-Yeah, I need to get more of my fangirlishness out now that I've finished the game and gotten most of the way through Challenge mode.   
 
 
Hokay, so, I guess I'll start by saying how much I enjoyed this game. I mean, with the anticipation I had for it totally fulfilled, how could I complain? (Well, all gamers have their gripes. ^^; ) But really, this game went far above my expectations. Looking at the first and second game compared to the Pixar-like quality of the most recent installments is simply mindblowing. Though, I can't really sum up my thoughts about it without examining each part of the game by itself, so I'm goi R+CF:ACiT Review -No Spoilers-
by ~birdie94
R+CF:ACiT Review -Spoilers-Yeah, I need to get more of my fangirlishness out now that I've finished the game and gotten most of the way through Challenge mode.   
 
 
****SPOILERS FOLLOWING THIS POINT****   
 
 
 
 
Hokay, so, I guess I'll start by saying how much I enjoyed this game. I mean, with the anticipation I had for it totally fulfilled, how could I complain? (Well, all gamers have their gripes. ^^; ) But really, this game went far above my expectations. Looking at the first and second game compared to the Pixar-like quality of the most recent installments is simply mindblowing. Though, I can't really sum up my R+CF:ACiT Review -Spoilers-
by ~birdie94
mornings with eva.
by ~birdie94
my vindication.My story starts when  You fell from grace.  After all we’d been through,  You still wanted a taste  Of untrue love, unlike  Me, you wanted to stay  Chased by the boys,  And you chased me away.   
Time after time,  Yeah, you made me sick  Because you’d hit on anything  That walked and had a  Diction of at least a third grade level.  If they flattered you enough,  Sure as hell, you’d let them revel  In some fake fantasy  That you wanted them too.  So, with the rest of the boys,  I became part of your queue.   
I waited long en my vindication.
by ~birdie94
Browse Gallery

Life, As It Stands.

Mon Nov 2, 2009, 9:28 PM
  • Mood: Crazy
Things have been rough lately. Or they seem to be. I'm not really sure myself, but in my caffeine-induced mood swings I find the need to post my angst on the internet for the poor, unsuspecting members of dA to deal with. I have seasonal depression and it comes on me pretty hard in fall and winter until temperatures start to rise again...it makes me kind of moody.

And for that, I'm really sorry, but bare with me. I need to get it out every once and a while and I need some unbiased listeners. Friends are great, family, also great, but outside opinions are no less valuable.

So if you're not in the mood to hear a rant, I suggest you keep browsing.


There's going to be no rhyme or reason to this. Just one big rant. I suppose I'll start with what's on my mind RIGHT now.

Well, I guess that in my group of friends I'm the short, cute, creative, friendly, blonde one. You know, the one that you can always go to. This is all good and dandy, but when I'M upset, I've got limited places to go because NO ONE TAKES ME SERIOUSLY.

Everyone seems to the think that the more pissed I am, the more hilarious/cute it is. I f**kin' hate that. I don't get pissed to the point of openly displaying it often, people. Most of the time, I'll just stop talking. So if I'm openly cussing you out, deathglaring, or threatening to end you--don't f**king laugh.

Which leads me to another thing. Everyone I know seems to be troubled in one way or another. Aren't we all? Welcome to adolescence, Bird. But being the creative, mostly nonviolent soul I am, I have nothing to do but write my troubles into oblivion or shoot up some virtual foes in video games. But what happens when that's not enough? Ask my closer friends who have actually seen me on the verge of losing all sanity. I pace, my breath gets unusually fast and heavy, and I look for something to break.

...I never have anything to break and I find that really upsetting at the times I need it for some reason. -_-

Everyone's got their scar stories. Their fight stories. Their physical battles. Me? Nothing. I never got into a single physical fight in all my life. At least not one that led to serious damage (Sibling battles. What can you do?). But the more I think about it, the more I wish I could knock someone's ass flat out. The more I think about that, the more I think I can. The more I think about that the more I want to do it.

Everyone tells me "You don't want that," "You'll regret it," "It's not like you think."

Has it occurred to any of you that tell me those things that I learn stuff the hard way? I don't listen until I've learned it myself. Never have. It's just the way I am. So f**king put up with it, let me be, and don't tell me what I do or don't want. I'll decide for myself, thanks.

But yes, I do believe that I need more than a creative outlet. I need a violent one. A physical one. I'm not the cute, little one everyone thinks I am, for crissakes. I'm not as simple as a lot seem to think I am. I want to hurt people sometimes. I want them to know I'm doing it. I can be a sadistic, twisted b***h, and you'd have never expected it. Get used to it. Take me seriously.

Yeah, as I've said before, my bark is worse than my bite. It's true. But that doesn't mean I don't bite at all. Keep pissing off the cat and you'll get the claws eventually.

And no, I'm not as innocent and naive as a lot of you might like to believe either. I won't go into detail there, but quit thinking that I'm some sheltered, air-headed idiot. I'm not f**king empty. I'm as human as you are, for crissakes. I'm just reserved. I keep my more primitive instincts and experiences to myself because I want to be respected. So don't treat me like I've never heard of or seen porn, or like I've avoided the word "sex" in conversation because 'I might think it's awkward'. I don't. It happens, it's there, it's perfectly human. I'm not denying it.

I'm really sick of being portrayed as some kind of 21st century teen archetype. Don't judge me. I'm not a stereotypical character. I'm not always what you'd expect.

I've also decided to give up on drawing because--let's face it--I can't really draw well. I can't even improve. It's not my expertise, it's not going to pay me anything, so whatever. Whatever drawings I do are going to be scrapped if they're even sort of important.

I'm in the process of looking for a job. This is going to suck.

And I feel like I'm losing confidence in myself again. I feel like I look like total sh*t. What's worse is that my loving, wonderful boyfriend is the one who helped me back into it again in January and I really don't want him to think he's not helping me, or not what he used to be. I love that boy more than life itself and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me yet. I just wish I knew how to tell him that in a way he would fully believe (not that he doesn't trust me). I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but I blame the seasons' change.

But I'm not the only one who's been down either. He has too. His family's been...less than familial (as ususal...) and he's in the midst of his own crises. And I'm definitely not helping. I try though. I really do. But sometimes, I'm too abrasive or too confrontational for his tastes. My way of dealing with things is different than his. He's very passive. I'm very aggressive. I wish I knew what to do, how to help. I can't stand seeing him like this.


...I feel like crying. I never feel like crying. Ugh, today sucks.

6 Comments | Previous Journal Entries

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Like RAWR and stuff. :heart:

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Pokitaru
  • Interests: photography, role playing, writing, video games, raving
  • Favourite movie: Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy, Underworld, Serenity
  • Favourite band or musician: too many... -_-;;
  • Favourite genre of music: Hardstyle Techno, Electronica, Alternative, Rock, some Pop
  • Favourite style of art: PHOTOGRAPHY! ^_^
  • Operating System: Win XP or Mac OS X
  • MP3 player of choice: iPod Touch
  • Favourite game: Ratchet & Clank Series, Mirror's Edge, Fallout 3
  • Favourite gaming platform: Play Station 2 & 3
  • Favourite cartoon character: Ratchet <3
  • Personal Quote: "Nyaa~! :3"
  • Tools of the Trade: EOS Rebel Camera (<3), Photoshop CS2, Wacom Tablet, 1337 5|<1|_|_Z

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Comments


:iconcanankk:
*Canankk 23 hours 30 minutes ago
:iconthankyousignplz: very much for the fav on “Fight Club” [link] :iconmissloungegirl:
:iconjordannb:
=jordannb Sep 15, 2009, 7:23:50 AM
Thanks for the comments and the :+fav:s! :)

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:gallery: [link]
:iconbirdie94:
~birdie94 Sep 15, 2009, 8:54:30 PM
No problem! :D

--
read this. [link]
"There are no boring subjects--only boring photographers."
I'm Sasha in the DA Crazy-for-Characters Crew!
:iconsilverbrokenwings:
=silverbrokenwings Sep 9, 2009, 10:27:53 AM
MEG, REVIVE YOURSELF! PHOENIX DOWN!

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No touchie. He's mine.

"He's being bullheaded because he boobed!!"
-Chairman Cross, Vampire Knight Manga Chapter 12
:iconsaycliche:
~SAYcliche Aug 5, 2009, 4:07:25 PM
guess who?
it's :iconfurubanimenrock:

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I want to scream your name
from the top of my lungs..
but I'm afraid that
someone else will hear me.

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Leave me love? :) Comments please.!
xoxo SAYcliche.
:iconbirdie94:
~birdie94 Sep 12, 2009, 10:03:17 PM
:o

Yay!!

--
read this. [link]
"There are no boring subjects--only boring photographers."
I'm Sasha in the DA Crazy-for-Characters Crew!
:iconbeautifulliex:
~BeautifulLieX Jul 14, 2009, 6:46:29 PM
You have an amazing gallery!
:iconbirdie94:
~birdie94 Sep 13, 2009, 9:38:46 PM
Thank you!! :heart:

--
read this. [link]
"There are no boring subjects--only boring photographers."
I'm Sasha in the DA Crazy-for-Characters Crew!
:iconmoranox:
=moranox Jul 2, 2009, 11:52:30 AM
BE ALIVE AGAIN, MEG!

--
"All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream."
-Poe
:iconpinkparis1233:
*pinkparis1233 May 3, 2009, 12:13:07 PM
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? D:

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Catch my 60,000 pageview and win a feature. (:
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